


You Get So Quiet Now, And You Seem Somehow Like A Lost And Lonely Child

by jackpip



Category: The Greatest Showman (2017)
Genre: Angry Phillip Carlyle, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Brief implied/referenced alcoholism, Hurt Phillip Carlyle, M/M, P. T. Barnum Needs a Hug, Phillip Carlyle Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-06
Updated: 2019-02-06
Packaged: 2019-10-23 14:38:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17685371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jackpip/pseuds/jackpip
Summary: “Every night I went out, and all I could ever see was disappointment. They wanted you, not some half-assed imitation who had to drown his nerves before the first show.” He laughs despite himself, and its hollowness is more disconcerting than the tears shining on his cheeks. “Hell, I wanted you. I needed you, and you were gone.”Or, Phillip was heartbroken when Phineas left on tour.





	You Get So Quiet Now, And You Seem Somehow Like A Lost And Lonely Child

“You  _ left me. _ You just... went and left me with no warning and even less preparation and expected me to  _ take over your fucking circus.” _ He gulps again, breaths becoming more and more audible.

“Phillip, I-”

“No. This isn’t something that you can dismiss with some little apology. You can’t- you can’t just make this ok.” Silence, save for his ragged breathing. “I was  _ dying, _ Phineas.”

Eyes widen, the word  _ fire _ forming on the other man’s lips. Phillip shakes his head.

“Every night I went out, and all I could ever see was disappointment. They wanted  _ you, _ not some half-assed imitation who had to drown his nerves before the first show.” He laughs despite himself, and its hollowness is more disconcerting than the tears shining on his cheeks. “Hell,  _ I _ wanted you. I needed you, and you were gone.” Phillip’s eyes meet Phineas’, legs beginning to shake.

“I didn’t know if you’d ever come back.” Choking up, he regards the other man helplessly, fists clenched by his sides. Phineas could be mistaken for a statue carved from alabaster if not for the tears gathering at the bottom of his eyes. He doesn’t blink.

Phillip’s stare doesn’t leave him as he lowers his head to face the ground. Drained, some of his anger dissipates the second the other man’s shoulders heave. A shuddering breath fills the room. A little more flows away when he looks up again, eyes glassy and wide. The tears in his eyes refract light; like the moon, they swell tidal waves in Phillip’s.

“I’m sorry, Phil.” Phineas’ voice fractures. Phillip’s resolve does the same.

He’s on the floor before he realises his legs have given way, back pressed against the desk. Hushed sobs wrack his body, diaphragm spasming as he tries to contain the shockwaves of emotion coursing through him.

Phineas stands torn, watching as Phillip hunches over, folding in on himself. At any other time, they’d be on the floor together; he’d pull Phillip into his lap and rub his neck, soothing him. Now, though, he’s frozen as the other man shakes and tucks his head further between his hands, entirely unsure of where he stands.

Phillip’s crying suddenly goes quiet, replaced by long, snuffling breaths. Phineas snaps out of his trance and strides over, panic crescendoing his heartbeat and filling his throat with bile. He stands over Phillip with feigned composure, so desperate to comfort him that he shoves his hands into his pockets to prevent himself from reaching out.

Phillip looks up, eyes red-rimmed and sore-looking, and pulls on his trouser leg. Phineas sits down instantly; the fear of worsening everything is the only thing that stops him from running a hand over the back of the other man’s neck.

Instead, he holds a hand out, silent. Phillip doesn’t move. 

“I’m sorry.” His voice is softer now, barely audible. Blue eyes slide over to face him, a poison dart shot from the irises striking him in the heart. Still, no movement.

Phineas is just about to give up when Phillip slips a hand into his and so very carefully presses a kiss to his cheek.

“I know. It doesn’t fix much, but still,” he leans in again, eyes closed, “I know you are.” They kiss salt, tears mixing beneath their lips as Phillip runs a hand through his partner’s hair. Phineas can still feel it trembling.

He breaks away and gently, oh-so-gently, brushes the tears away from Phillip’s cheeks. There are more woven into his eyelashes; Phineas thumbs at his forehead, tenderly cupping his face until Phillip opens his eyes and blinks them back.

“I won’t hurt you again, Flip. I promise. Not now, not later, not ever. I’ll love you ‘til I die.”

He kisses him once more, slow and loving and  _ perfect,  _ and Phillip shuffles into his lap, head pressing into his chest.

“I know,” Phillip whispers, “I love you too.”

**Author's Note:**

> honestly i feel like i should’ve written more at the start rather than just throwing the reader in, but still,, at least i’m writing? please consider writing a comment (my confidence isn’t absolutely the lowest it’s been in a while why would you suggest that), but i hope you enjoyed this regardless of whether you leave one or not!


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